I definitely never used to be one of those people who believed in cliche sayings like “everything will work out how it’s supposed to,” “what’s meant to be will be,” “we’re only given what we can handle,” blah blah blah. But when you’re going through something like this. Something so crazy, so out of the blue, and so so out of your control, you kind of have to believe in more to get through each day. If you don’t, the depression and sadness and confusion about the ultimate question (why? why me?) will eat you alive.
You have to believe you will see meaning in all of the crap one day. You have to believe you will look back and realize this was just a blip on the radar. You have to believe that everything will work out as it should even if it’s not how you thought it would be.
There is more than just the whole infertility thing plaguing our household lately. My husband has also been laid off from his job during this challenging economic time. Infertility and the prospect of spending thousands of dollars on fertility treatments + my husband not working and unable to find work does not a happy/comfortable marriage make. Things are hard lately. Really, really hard.
So I’m forcing myself to take deep breaths to not freak out and to just relax. It’s hard. So, so, SO hard. But I’m taking it one day, one hour and sometimes one moment at a time. And in the meantime, I’m also forcing myself to enjoy the beautiful small pieces of the every day. Despite all the bad there is so much to be grateful for still.