After waiting for over a month for my appointment with a new doctor – a doctor who is one of the best in the country when it came to IVF; a doctor who I knew helped my friend get pregnant even though she had low ovarian reserve – I ended the call feeling completely devastated because as soon as she heard how high my FSH is she wrote me off. She said no amount of drugs can make my body make an egg and when I told her about success stories I’d read about / heard about online she basically said they were hard to believe. She said if I get a cycle next month I could fly down to Vancouver and they would do an ultrasound and see if I have any follicles and then could go from there but that was basically the only next steps I was given from her perspective. She did say she’s going to a big conference soon and is going to talk to some other doctors in her field and see what they say, but ya, I was really hoping for some encouragement, ideas, plans for going forward and I got none of that from her at all.
I ended the call feeling so so devastated and upset. I just feel like giving up on this whole fertility thing. I spent all of September not thinking about it and focusing on living my life and it was so wonderful. Don’t get me wrong, every pregnancy announcement on Facebook – and I think there were 2 or 3 of them – felt like a knife stab to the gut, but with the exception of that it was a really great month not stressing about my stupid bodies inability to have a baby. This call today has kind of pushed me to the edge and I just really feel like giving up on all of this and focusing on other parts of my life that bring me joy for right now. This whole thing feels way too upsetting and frustrating and painful to continue dealing with.